Elizabeth Cobbe

My kid’s English teacher gave an assignment this week for students to interview a parent, and using that information, write the story of how the parent learned a life lesson.

It is rare that someone asks you a question like this, and I’m curious if anyone has ever nailed a moment like this, or if you flubbed it because, once asked, it suddenly became clear that you know absolutely nothing besides how to time your edibles so you’re sober enough to drive to work the next morning.

Weirdly, the only story I could come up with on the spot was the time I was living in San Francisco, earning minimum wage as a literary intern at the big theater company out there and scraping together my rent with an odd assembly of part-time gigs that included serving as an usher for Broadway touring shows while wearing a smelly green uniform jacket, serving roasted chestnuts and candied apples at Danielle Steele’s annual holiday party, and teaching test prep classes for a national for-profit company.

One day the company was so desperate for someone to teach SAT prep classes to some high schoolers in Santa Rosa, they rented me a car to drive up the coast. I was thrilled, because it meant that I could go to the grocery store and buy an actual week’s worth of groceries in one visit, rather than just what my arms could carry up the hill to my shared apartment. That night, after buying a gallon of milk plus other stuff, I parked the car on the street outside the subdivided Victorian, with plans to return it first thing the following morning.

The following morning, the car was gone.

Peaches, this is the life lesson: Read the signs on the street extremely carefully before parking anywhere. Especially the ones that tell you the street-cleaning schedule.

Even a screenshot taken today from Google Maps shows that the sign is, like, right there. It doesn’t hide the information from you even a little bit.

I was so poor, I had to borrow the $150 or so it took to get the rental car out of the impound lot. Which I did, making me late for work, costing me probably another $12.50 in lost wages. (Yeah, I know. Minimum wage was microscopic in those days.)

I promise you that I’ve learned other things in life. I have learned to be resilient in the face of rejection, and that resilience means different things at different times. I’ve learned to be a better listener, and to ask better questions. I’ve learned how to code solutions in two different programming languages to complex business problems, despite really not liking or showing a special aptitude for programming when I studied CS in high school. I’ve learned how to cook a really good batch of scrambled eggs. I’ve learned why estate planning is vital. I’ve learned that sometimes medical science can change how our bodies act, and sometimes it cannot. I’ve learned that you really do need to work out if you want your body to work better. I’ve learned to not drink at work happy hours. I’ve learned what kinds of tops to pair with wide-legged jeans, I think. I’ve learned that basically everyone is afraid, and the degree to which they do or do not admit that tells you an awful lot about how they will behave.

For real, though. I have definitely learned to always read the damn parking signs.

Back to the English class assignment: I will not post my kid’s write-up here, because that’s my kid’s work and not mine to profit from. I will say, however, that I was terrifically proud. In my kid’s retelling, I was moving into a new apartment and had just rented a car to move my few possessions from one apartment to another, and I still had some furniture in the car. As a result of the towing, I returned the rental car late, costing me an additional day’s fees. As a result of being late for work, I got in trouble with my boss. These embellishments are great! Not because they are strictly true, which they aren’t (my boss felt bad for me, actually), but because my kid understood intuitively that these choices made for a better story. And my kid was right.

Thus conclude two gratuitous lessons about stakes, and life. First, stakes that are higher in specific ways make for a more interesting story. And second?

Always. Read. The. Parking. Signs.

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Oh, and lest I forget, Peaches, I have upcoming appearances at two cons! I would be so delighted if you would say hello, either in person or virtually, at either of these events.

ArmdilloCon in Austin, Texas, Sept. 11-13

Friday, September 11

• Writing Workshop, all day: I’m so pleased to be serving as an instructor for the very same writing workshop where I first joined the SF&F community as a participant.
• Characters 101: Basic Characters, 8 pm
  A craft talk, part of the weekend’s larger character-building series.
• Shakespeare and Succession Drama, 9 pm
  I’ll be moderating on a topic that I’m so delighted to discuss, especially around my current book’s engagement with Macbeth.
  

Saturday, September 12

• Dark Academia in a Time of Anti-Intellectualism & Book Bans, 5:30 pm
  I’ll be moderating this panel as well, hoping to get into what actually constitutes book banning, and how our characters respond to anti-intellectual cultural trends.

Flights of Foundry, Online, Sept. 18-20

Saturday, Sept 19

• Infrastructure as Worldbuilding, noon central time
  I’m moderating a panel that I’m not qualified to sit on, but no worries! I’m absolutely fascinated with the topic and I simply can’t wait to ask lots of questions about what things like water supply and transportation and energy infrastructure tell us about the worlds we build.
• All the World’s a Stage and So Are Our Stories, 6 pm central time
  What the theater teaches us about writing prose fiction.